In observance of the federal shutdown, I have opted to show my solidarity by furloughing all of my non-essential services.
I am joining the Feds in making things as painful as possible for everyone around me. So be on notice:
1. No personal responsibility: Nothing is my fault, and I’m incapable of doing anything on my own. I have no idea what healthy foods I need to prepare for my family because I can’t reach anyone at the FDA. My children have lost IQ points this week because of the shutdown at the Department of Education. I can’t be optimistic or discouraged about my job search because no one has released a report on the latest unemployment figures. I could show a little initiative and get things done, but why take such a big risk?
2. No paying off debts: My debt ceiling is too low, but my creditors won’t extend my limits. I’m following the lead of the Treasury, and I’m holding out until my credit card company approves my demands to boost my limit and drop all those interest rates and finance charges.
3. No parenting: What am I going to do now that no government village is telling me how to raise my kids? God knows my husband and I are not capable of doing this on our own. We are woefully unqualified to prepare them for the future, and we are destroying them with all that silly discipline, faith and work ethic we force down their throats. The kids are going to have to fend for themselves until the government experts tell us what we need to do, or better yet, they do it for us.
4. No healthcare: Why not? I can put off a few more medical treatments because of healthcare costs. It’s no big deal my family’s premiums, deductibles and co-pays jumped double digits this year; our drug benefits got reduced; and we have a smaller network of doctors to choose from. On the bright side, we met our higher deductible very quickly thanks to our daughter’s ridiculous desire for eye surgery and our son’s pesky need for tumor evaluation and orthopedic surgery. But in the interim, I’ve got to show my support for the Affordable Care Act, thus Tylenol better cure everything in my house
until this is over forever.
5. No negotiating: I’m taking points from Congress and the POTUS. Yes, it’s my way or the highway because I know everything. You are free to disagree with me, but accept the fact that I am going to make your life a living Hell if you do it. I will call you horrible names, I will publicly blame you for everything, and when you have a few good ideas, I will refuse to take your calls. Why? Because I am infinitely wise and you are extraordinarily ignorant.
I think this will work well for everyone involved.
I welcome your feedback, but I will not tolerate personal attacks against me, my family or another commenter.
It’s okay to disagree, but be respectful. Attack the issue, not the person. Vulgarity, racism, religion bashing, slams about sexual orientation, name calling, advertisements and generally being a jerk to others will send your comment to the trash bin.
So play nice.