In observance of the shutdown, I’m making things as painful as possible for everyone else

4 Oct
Apparently government websites are also on the payroll.

Apparently government websites are also on the payroll.

 

In observance of the federal shutdown, I have opted to show my solidarity by furloughing all of my non-essential services.

I am joining the Feds in making things as painful as possible for everyone around me.  So be on notice:

1. No personal responsibility:  Nothing is my fault, and I’m incapable of doing anything on my own.  I have no idea what healthy foods I need to prepare for my family because I can’t reach anyone at the FDA.  My children have lost IQ points this week because of the shutdown at the Department of Education. I can’t be optimistic or discouraged about my job search because no one has released a report on the latest unemployment figures.  I could show a little initiative and get things done, but why take such a big risk?

2. No paying off debts: My debt ceiling is too low, but my creditors won’t extend my limits. I’m following the lead of the Treasury, and I’m holding out until my credit card company approves my demands to boost my limit and drop all those interest rates and finance charges.

3. No parenting: What am I going to do now that no government village is telling me how to raise my kids?  God knows my husband and I are not capable of doing this on our own. We are woefully unqualified to prepare them for the future, and we are destroying them with all that silly discipline, faith and work ethic we force down their throats. The kids are going to have to fend for themselves until the government experts tell us what we need to do, or better yet, they do it for us.

4. No healthcare: Why not? I can put off a few more medical treatments because of healthcare costs.  It’s no big deal my family’s premiums, deductibles and co-pays jumped double digits this year; our drug benefits got reduced; and we have a smaller network of doctors to choose from.  On the bright side, we met our higher deductible very quickly thanks to our daughter’s ridiculous desire for eye surgery and our son’s pesky need for tumor evaluation and orthopedic surgery. But in the interim, I’ve got to show my support for the Affordable Care Act, thus Tylenol better cure everything in my house until this is over forever.

5. No negotiating: I’m taking points from Congress and the POTUS. Yes, it’s my way or the highway because I know everything. You are free to disagree with me, but accept the fact that I am going to make your life a living Hell if you do it. I will call you horrible names, I will publicly blame you for everything, and when you have a few good ideas, I will refuse to take your calls. Why? Because I am infinitely wise and you are extraordinarily ignorant.

I think this will work well for everyone involved.

Comment Policy:
I welcome your feedback, but I will not tolerate personal attacks against me, my family or another commenter.

It’s okay to disagree, but be respectful. Attack the issue, not the person.  Vulgarity, racism, religion bashing, slams about sexual orientation, name calling, advertisements and generally being a jerk to others will send your comment to the trash bin.

So play nice.

13 Responses to “In observance of the shutdown, I’m making things as painful as possible for everyone else”

  1. lsgrlr October 5, 2013 at 8:13 PM #

    If it is okay I may want to reblog this later, let me know.

    • Kim Keller October 6, 2013 at 3:35 AM #

      Absolutely. I appreciate your desire to share this. All I ask is that you credit my blog and link back.

  2. lsgrlr October 5, 2013 at 8:12 PM #

    This was as thought provoking as it was hilarious. Thanks for this. The government may be on shut down, thank goodness God isn’t.

  3. Augment (@Raakinn) October 5, 2013 at 2:05 PM #

    This is what happens when the American people don’t watch the news and don’t vote! Do you think for an instant that the Koch brothers, The NRA, the Health Care industry, Wall Street or wealthy donors ever say, “ah Washington is all screwed up,” and turn away from politics? Think again! That’s the whole point, to make government look like a bunch of circus clowns so wealthy interests can take all their tax breaks, subsidies, no bid contracts and legislative loop holes all while the American people pay for it. Americans are used to letting the government run on idle and in the past that was okay, because prior to Globalization and the internet, most Americans felt it was us against the world and that included business and the wealthy. Now that wealthy interests can hide their money all over the world, America isn’t as important. The globe is your portfolio and no one country is more important than another. Unpatriotic? Yes, but it’s about money and power. You can’t just watch Honey Boo Boo and Dancing with the Stars and expect the government to respond to you. Democracy takes work. You have to “heaven forbid,” watch the news, vote, support candidates, know what you believe in and go to fund raisers. If you don’t, other highly motivated people will take the country from you and have been doing so for the last 40 years. The choice is yours. If you don’t care, Tivo Two Broke Girls and the NFL and order pizza. If you do, you’ll have to roll up your sleeves and get to work. it’s just that simple.

    • Huseyin Yar October 6, 2013 at 9:53 AM #

      I disagree with your theory. As data clearly shows that top 5% pay for all the free loafers. Bashing our minority of actual taxpayers is much easier than telling the other 1/2 of the population to start taking responsibility for their lives.

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